DEEP THOUGHTS from David Scott
10) CRACK SHOTS
Movie makers seem to take the phrase "shot between the eyes" literally. In fact, every and I do mean EVERY - time someone in a film is shot between the eyes, it's precisely, squarely, exactly, not-a-millimeter-off right between the eyes. Wouldn't you think that occasionally the bullet would land toward the left or right or anywhere except RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES? And always such a clean entry, too.
9) A PERFECT AUTOMOTIVE WORLD
All old cars in period movies always are in pristine, showroom condition. They've so obviously been rented from some southern California auto museum and carefully positioned around the set. EVERY car, including the ones parked up and down the street in the background and the ones cruising by, are washed, and waxed, buffed and totally free of dents, rust or other imperfection. Ruins the mood for me.
8) DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
The fabulous, magic Hollywood acoustical door, depending on the need of the plot, permits the sound of ordinary conversation and other relatively quiet noises to pass through one way but stops cold various thumps, crashes and even gun fire.
7) LIGHT UP THE NIGHT
Any time two featured actors are in a long shot of a car at night, their faces are lit up with what look like two high-powered flashlights from somewhere beneath the dash. The effect is bizarre. When is the last time you passed an auto at night and saw the faces of its occupants ablaze? Do directors feel it is absolutely necessary to prove to the audience that they're not using nighttime stunt doubles in those shots?
6) HOW MUCH IS THAT DEAD DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
Putting animals at peril is a Hollywood obsession. I love this one. Hack director's love to put harmless dogs and other creatures in harm's way, then occasionally blow them away off screen to the tune of a sharply painful "Yelp!" And, in a related notion, can anyone forget they decided to KILL lovable and dedicated Hooch in "Turner and Hooch"? Now there was a masterstroke of cinematic genius!
5) KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS
Potty-mouthed kids. Hey, I've been known to use the occasional swear word but why does every adorable kid in the movies have to sputter a few really nasty ones in the course of ordinary conversation. Does Hollywood think this is cute? And movie teens talk like street jaded gutter vermin. Enough already!
4) THE SOUND OF SILENCE
I haven't been to outer space myself but everyone (except, apparently Hollywood) knows sounds don't play among the stars. So how come those space battles are rendered in full, subwoofer rumbling, Dolby 5.1 and 6.1 audio? OK, OK, so it's more dramatic. But it's also weird.
3) IT'S A BLAST
At least 65% of today's movies have at least one long-lens shot of one or two persons leaping - frequently in slow motion - toward the camera and away from a horrific explosion. Has someone conducted a survey that revealed that 80% of the movie going public feels cheated if it doesn't see still one more escape-the-inferno scene? Seems like they use the same camera, same set, same slo-mo and same the pyrotechnics for each one.
2) GOOD TIMING
Anyone ever notice that radios and TVs in the movies always happen to be carrying the news bulletin central to the plot line, no matter when and where the actors turn them on? And doesn't anyone else ever question the wisdom of an actor turning off the bulletin in disgust before it's finished? Wouldn't the rest of us listen to every word so that we could pick up additional, helpful or surprising information?
1) DIE HARDS
Hollywood evidently has gotten hold of new battery technology. Juice for camcorders, two-way radios and, particularly cell phones seemingly is inexhaustible.
BONUS - MACHINE GUNS DON'T KILL, PEOPLE DO
I can't ever remember seeing a central character in a movie hit, much less killed, by a torrent of machine gun fire from multiple antagonists. How can this be? Hundreds of bullets spraying death in all directions and they all seem to hit that tent pole the hero is hiding behind. Yep, for REAL protection, give me a two-shot Derringer every time.